You Didn't Know
by MsBigBad
Summary: A long poem about Spike and Buffy's journey throughout the show. Please read it took a whole month to write!


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You Didn't Know

By: Courtney Littleford

You didn't know when you sold your soul,

That you'd come so far to find it.

That love would bring back something inside,

And you wouldn't be able to hide it.

She let you down and she smacked your face.

She left you with a feeling you couldn't erase.

You couldn't move on.

This siren had sung her song.

Her beauty stopped you in your place.

You swore you'd have her one-day.

That this angel would set you free.

When you took your place beside her,

You'd of done anything to make her see.

But when she found out she turned you away.

She couldn't love a monster,

But for some reason you had to stay.

But as she started falling she looked to you more and more.

You fell deeper in love as she grew to trust you as no one had done before.

And that night you told her you knew what you were,

You were finally able to see.

She wouldn't believe it,

Though you knew it had to be.

And then she was falling giving the world her gift.

Only then did you realize there was nothing you could do but sit.

Watch your angel drop lifeless at your feet.

Fall.

Fall to the ground and weep.

And while she was gone so were you.

You had nothing left to live for.

And you had nothing left to lose.

And you were there when they put her in the ground.

You were there watching but you never made a sound.

And not long after a little part of her kept knocking at your door.

Finally one day it got too hard to ignore.

You had to let her in.

You'd forgotten that she used to be your one and only friend.

She needed to let go.

She let it out in salty streams.

And you were holding her in the heart of all your broken dreams.

You somehow found the strength to carry on.

When they thought that you were okay they were wrong.

The days went by and though still you cried,

When they asked you if you were over her you lied.

You never forgot, but you pushed it away.

It'd do you no good in the past with her to stay.

You got to the point that you thought you could take no more,

More scared and lonely than before.

Then by miracle or by damnation she came back to you.

And you were there and you were all she knew.

She couldn't hold on this world was the brightest hell.

You wished for some reason she'd stayed just as she fell.

They thought this was her home.

They didn't see.

They never could.

Lost within her memories of all that was right and good.

It took awhile for you to realize that she was just using you.

A familiar face to hold her hand and tell her troubles to.

Time raced and you knew every heartbeat was just to stall the rain.

And you knew that no matter what she said she hadn't come back the same.

You spent the night wrapped in love's sweet bliss.

But when the morning came you didn't get your kiss.

You told her her nature and she smacked you across the face.

She couldn't stand to hear the truth; she couldn't move at you pace.

So you were back.

Full circle and round again.

No longer did she call you friend.

But then her life began to fall apart.

She needed you again.

She had to break your heart.

You were just convenient.

A way to make her feel.

You couldn't turn her away.

Maybe someday it'd be real.

It took her long enough to feel guilty for her sins.

It took a lot for her to not let you in.

And minutes turned to days.

And days to weeks.

You'd been so long without her.

Your frustration was about to peak.

You couldn't control it.

Somehow the worst had come out in you. 

You didn't know why.

You didn't know what to do.

You'd tried so hard to keep them in. 

To keep your demons at bay.

You had to get out somehow.

You had to get away.

The memory of her face is still stuck inside your mind.

The hurt and the pain can never be left behind.

No matter how you try.

No matter what you say.

No matter what you do it'll never go away.

You thought that you could be worthy.

You thought that you could make her see.

You thought that you could be what she wanted you to be.

This burden that you carry does nothing but bring you down.

Love and resentment have brought you back to this town.

The spark you have inside you,

Does nothing but leave you confused.

The dark the light inside,

Feels just like being used.

You scratch and tear,

And love and care.

You scream and shout,

But you can't get it out.

She took you in and forgave all your sins.

She touched your skin,

And she even let you win.

The battle was coming,

You could feel it burn.

You tried to warn her,

But she'd never learn.

So many surrounded her,

Looked to her for protection.

Then another came along,

And she felt the bittersweet taste of rejection.

The ones she loved pushed her away.

But you forever faithful would stay.

She fought the beginning,

It was up to you to decide the end.

Just when she thought she was winning,

She had to go and lose again.

She told you what you'd waited so long to hear.

But you didn't need proof,

You felt it in her fear.

You didn't know if you could let her go.

You'd tried so hard to get this close.

Of all the things in this world you'd miss her the most.

A chuckle and a grin as you charged toward death.

A thought of golden skin as you drew your last breath.

When you left this world you let her re-begin.

A life without rules.

A love with no end.


End file.
